Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
