dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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