wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
