how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
