im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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