I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
