so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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