what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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