this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
