I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
