Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
