I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
