i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
