walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
