cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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