I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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