is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
