I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
