Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
