i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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