I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
