There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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