It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
