I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
