Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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