Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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