Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
