you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
