Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
