I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
