You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
