i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
