just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
