I think i peed on brittanys purse
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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