I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
