there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
