so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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