Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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