I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
