well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
