I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
