tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
