True but thats because hes a fetus.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
