What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
