So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm really busy with my period
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