I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
