god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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