I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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