I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
