Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
