HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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