No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
