they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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