At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
